Sunday, July 13, 2014

The time that I locked my toddler in the car

Assalamualaikum wbt..

Oh yes.. this is a major Mommy Fail moment..get ready for it.




Ka-thunk!

That's the sound the door made as it closed and locked Aulia' in the car, standing at the car back seat after my husband carried her in and accidentally closed all the doors. Our car key was on the front seat. 

It's also the sound of my heart dropping through my legs and out my toes and although this happened yesterday, I am still a little shaky. I can't believe I am sharing it here. I am embarrassed and ashamed and still feel the worst kind of awful that I let it happen at all. I was the one who holding the car key and what on earth I was thinking by putting the car key on the front seat??! And we were only an hour away to break fast.

We were in the KFC parking lot and things were going well- I even remembered our list to buy for Iftar! And, like always, we put on the things we bought at the car back seat and carry Aulia' inside before we get in and start the engine. But while I do that I put the car key and purse down and have a habit of making sure all the back doors and boot are closed just before I get in the front seat.

I immediately knew what had happened and tried the handle. Locked! OMG I was panic.

I turned and tapped frantically on the back window. "Aulia' get Ibu the car key. Baby please!!" I beg, and about to cry. 

I stood by her door, praying for my child safety. Aulia' was standing there at the back seat without knowing what had happened. We called her name many times and ask her to get the car key. She stepped to the front seat and get the key. All she need is to press the alarm. But it didn't happen. We tried to show her how to press the alarm but she just stood there watching us tapping the window calling her name.

I was sick with regret and shame and tried to keep myself together. How could I let this happen?

I called my dad while my husband went looking for a locksmith or anyone who can help us unlock the door.

My husband was there quickly and came with a Chinese foreman- she was inside about 30 minutes total (30 minutes of calling Aulia' name, begging her to unlock the door, finding tools to break the handle, tried to open the front boot and detached the battery but failed, bought an ice-cream just to persuade my little baby to press the green button). Only God know how I felt at that time. 

When the door was successfully unlocked, her face was flushed and her head was quite sweaty, but my baby didn't even cried at once. I did. I hug her tightly like never before.

 I still am replaying it through my head and can't figure out why it made me feel like all the blood had been drained from my body. I am so thankful that everything is OK and to some I am probably freaking out way too much. I could have broken a window if I needed to, I could have gotten to her sooner by damaging the car but it was still traumatic. My husband wouldn't let me do it.

I felt like a bad parent, to tell you the truth.

I felt like I would be setting myself up for judgment by whoever finds out about this. 

You who read my words every day know how much I love my child. I'm careful and cautious and loving and aware. But these things still could happen no matter how much you love them. Accidents happen. Close calls happen.

I felt judged while I stood there next to my car, helpless, waiting for the door to be unlock. I just did what I could do, I did my best for that moment, even though I was in my worst. I keep praying, praying and continue praying.

Dear heart, beat normal again soon, please?
These photos was taken the night after the tragedy. We are so thankful that we made through the scary moment in our life. Now, we took this as a learning experiences and remember what can happen in a blink of an eye. 

Dear Aulia', ibu felt so sorry for what had happened yesterday. I was watching you sleep that night, and prayed that it would last. I watched you speak a while ago and hope that you'd go on. Your spirit seemed so strong and prayed my tears would dry. As I was watching you today, I realized that I can't wait to tell you how much I appreciate and love you in every way. May Allah protect you my child.

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