Sunday, March 31, 2013

Motherhood is hard work


Assalamualaikum wbt..

Before I had Aulia', before I ever met Hafiz and dimly even thought about getting pregnant myself, I would see mothers with their children out and about in shopping malls, grocery stores, parking lots, clinics, you name  it, and I would catch their conversations and interactions and think to myself, 'MasyaAllah.. that mother can't even control her own kid.' or I've thought, 'that woman is acting like she is below the age of her child,' and, 'I will never react that way and say those things to my child when I am a mother.' Truly, I said and promised myself these things. 

When yesterday, I found myself crossing the street with Aulia' at Taman Tasik Titiwangsa when she decided to let go of my hand, throw herself on the concrete, and kick and scream like I've never seen her before. I put my hand up to the driver waiting for us to cross to motion 'STOP' and 'thank you' and plead with her to get up and walk. My hands were full with her water, food, her doll, umbrella and my bag! After a few failed attempts to reason with or try to excite my toddler to cross the street, I scooped her up in one arm. Only she was wearing her crocs, and only she just learned how to kick.  Hard. She lashes out at me so hard my entire right leg and arm give way and she falls to the ground, along with the water, doll, umbrella and food spilling out all around us. I motion to the driver once more, this time a 'SORRY!' and realize there are now three more cars behind her. 

I pick up all her snack, umbrella and doll with one hand and some sort of instinctual mom ninja move with the other, which consist of a quick arm around her middle, carrying her sideways while she screams and cries, legs and crocs lashing out into the thin air behind us. I am sick, my muscle hurt, I am tired and sweating, and I have fresh snot streaming down my own face from an awful sinus infection with no free arm to wipe it away. Dang!!

But we make it across the street. And the driver's are shaking their heads in frustration and disdain as they pass and turn by us. True story, and I'm embarrassed. But any mother, even the most loving, kind-hearted, patient, and Mother Teresa of all mother will tell you: motherhood is hard work. Some days, are just hard. Motherhood is really not for the weak. It is not for the tired. And it is certainly not for the lazy. 

Your child will hit, kick, slap, and bite you. They will poke you deep in your eyeball because they think it's funny. They will throw a Lego block square at your mouth from a foot away because they don't understand. They will back slap you across the face in the middle of the night just as you fell into a rare, coveted, deep sleep. They will step on and break your laptop. They will scream at the top of their lungs at you in the middle of the street, in the middle of  Tesco, in the middle of Gymboree class, and of course when you're on an important phone call. That same child will keep you up all night, because they don't feel like sleeping in the buaian all alone, and because they have the fine luxury of taking naps during the day. And you will be waking up for the day no later than 3 hours from when they finally go back to bed, with a migraine and eye bags!

But even after all of that has occurred, and it's typically that the events described above will all happen within the same 24 hours-but the same day- you will hear your child call you "ibu" for the first time. your. heart. will. melt. Your darling baby will hold onto your legs as you let her to the ground and refuse to let go of you. She will see you the second you arrive to pick her up from childcare with the biggest, brightest, most excited eyes, and run to you and hug you. She will laugh hysterically at you when you jump out and scare her or when you do something quirky and think you're the most clever joker in the whole world. She will look up at you with concerned eyes for encouragement or discipline when she's not sure if she should do something. She will give you a kiss. A big, fat, beautiful kiss right square on your lips. She will have you lay down together on the bed, motion and say 'shhhh' to you, out her blankie near your face, gently pat your head and try to put you to sleep the exact way you do to her. And all this will make you forget all the crap they put you through earlier that day. 

My little one is turning 1 year, 8 months old this month. Our time together has truly flown by at the speed of light. I am amazed that we've all survived this long with no major hiccups because sometimes, it's been really, really hard. But that's exactly the thing- the hardest things in life are the most rewarding. No matter how bad it gets, and it does get bad, it s also amazing. absolutely amazing. And at the end of every day, I am always, always grateful for my child. For who she is, for who she is growing up to be, and for who she makes me. I never knew how strong I could be. I didn't know the capacity I have for not giving up or taking the easy way out. I never knew my capacity for true, unconditional, self-sacrificial love and I never knew how big this feeling of love and protection could be. It is simply overwhelming and it is truly indescribable to be someone's mother and to feel those thousands of feeling every single minute of every single day. 

And this love is enough to get us through the hard. 

Thank you for everything you've given me. You are loved so very, very much. (Even when you're a little stinker).

-Ibu-

Friday, March 29, 2013

Get me out of here!

Assalamualaikum wbt...


Wowzer, what a week. TGIF! Work has been crazy and my mind has been driving me even crazier. Remember how I posted about craving some change, something to look forward to? Well, that feeling is still here and my brain has been in overdrive trying to come up with a brilliant idea for my life. 

The fact that I've been stuck in a claustrophobic office this week while the unpredictable weather has finally arrived doesn't help matters. I want to go to the pool with Aulia'! And take a nap on a soft blanket under a shady tree! In other words, I want the freedom to do as I please. But doesn't everyone?

My current dream to do that I'm focusing on, along with figuring out my passion in life, is coming up with a genius idea that will allow me to work very little and make a decent amount of money. Ha! I know, I know..isn't that everyone's goal? But I'm dead serious. I haven't even been able to sleep well at night because I'm brainstorming ideas non-stop. So far, no such luck. 

Instead, I'm stuck with the same old routine: wake, get myself & Aulia' ready, daycare, work, lunch, work, daycare, home, dinner, house-chores, bedtime, routines, blog/ relax, sleep. And then I do it all over again..

How I'm feeling...

How do feel women? I'm tired!

Thursday, March 28, 2013

This and that..

Assalamualaikum wbt..

Let me start off by saying this is not a look your husband/lover is going to understand or appreciate. This one's for the girls..

The animal printed are a closet staple, in my humble opinion, and have the potential to be as dressed up or as casual as you so choose. Sometimes, the best way to wear them, is a to add a single piece to a neutral outfit!

Obviously Kourtney Kardashian rocks my socks in a multitude of ways, but especially when it comes to her attire.  If I could spend a day going through her closet, I would be one happy person! Since I'm still waiting for my invite, I'll have to settle for pictures which give me glimpses into the unknown wardrobe, and inspiration for my own!




I'm so gonna get this and that from Zara this week..can't wait!

A little tip I picked up from one magazine or another that I'll pass on to you lovelies: if you're going to wear animal printed be it a trousers or blouse, wear it with a plain white/black match!

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Wordless Wednesday

Assalamualaikum wbt...


Seriously who is this big girl???

Monday, March 25, 2013

Little Miss Houska cheeky dance

Assalamualaikum wbt..

This video was taken by my SIL. I think it was  taken a couple of weeks ago when we went back to Ipoh.
Mind the high pitching voice and the lyrics. Lol!



I know it's flipping adorable. I always thought it was so cute when Aulia' actually do the Gangnam Style (confession, I still do!)..but now that it's my child. It's my worries!..though its pretty funny..

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Aulia' swimming class cancelled

Assalamualaikum wbt..


Today was supposed to be Aulia's swimming class at the Oakleaf Country Club but the coach cancelled it after the first 5 minutes. The rain gotten heavier which wasn't so bad but then there was thunder and lightning so we had to literally drag her out of the water: poor thing! So we decided to go back home and continue sleeping. Oh well, guess there's always next week.


Will share her swimming lesson on my next post..

Friday, March 15, 2013

Healthy as a horse!

Assalamualaikum wbt..

Over the last few days, we have been waiting, watching and praying that Abah would get better and he would continue his recovery. As of today we are grateful that it seems that he can talk and breath well. Abah is using his voice more and seems to be more aware of his surrounding each day. We were blessed to see that he quickly came back to his baseline and continued to do well.

Abah manage his secretions better and doing much better in swallowing. He aren't there yet, but we have positive signs that he is headed in the right direction. This help him use his voice more clearly. His flexibility is improving as well as his balance and reach.


 The first day when he was discharged from the ICU, he was still wearing the breathing tubes and attached to so many wires..now that he has been transferred to the normal ward, he does not depend on the oxygen supply and not wearing the breathing tubes anymore. We will remain hopeful this will continue and accelerate. 

We have been blessed to have Abah out of the ICU and with the children being around visiting him at the ward, he has responded well to their love and noise. 

He joke around and said "Look darlings, why you guys so freak out..I'm healthy as a horse!" (while showing off his chest to his grandchildren)..
 He loved being around his children and grandchildren because he said we are a big part of the healing process.

We remain very grateful for this blessing. Nevertheless, we will hold firm to our faith and hopes and pray to Allah s.w.t that Abah will continue to make progress and this will be the last season we do not see him fully engaged. While we wish it were over, we continue to hope Allah gives us strength and hope especially to our mom to get through another day . In syaa Allah.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Coronary Artery Bypass Surgery


Assalamualaikum wbt..

I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen my mother upset. Literally. That's not on exaggeration.  As you might have guessed non of the times she was upset had anything to do with me. It was invariably one of my siblings doing the dumb things. I was an angel. I promise.

Allow me to say a quick word about our journey over the last two months. As you can imagine, they have been exceedingly challenging for our mom and our family. They have taken us to the edge of our physical, spiritual and emotional understanding.

Some of you may be wondering, as we have at various points along our journey, how could this happen? Why our mom? Which begs a broader question about why bad things can happen to good people? I am not going to profess to have all or any of the answers, but I would be remiss if didn't share some of my feelings given what's transpired. This is what I called as Qada' and Qadar..

Shortly after my mom's liver surgery, she recovers so fast and done very well in all her therapy sessions.The next week after that, she walked with assistance, about 200 feet. We wore her out, but it was amazing seeing her place one foot in front of another while keeping pretty good balance. The following week, she was discharged from the hospital. Alhamdulillah. We now pray that she will heal well without any hint of infection.

 
Abah, in another hand, was on the waiting list for his coronary artery bypass surgery. He already had confirmatory results from the following week when mom discharged from the hospital. He will head to a surgery date on 11th of this month. He was scared but pretend that he is not. I know he is a strong and brave man.After a lot of waiting, Abah went in for surgery at about 7.30 am at the National Heart Institute, Malaysia and had his heart bypassed. The doctor said everything went just as they had hoped and were pleased with the results. After a few set backs we are so grateful for the blessing of this day and to finally pass this hurdle in our journey.


Prior to the surgery, Abah sat with Aulia' and did his best to communicate with doctors and nurses.  I am so grateful for the support of our friends and family and all those who are praying for Abah.  We have felt those prayers carry us many times throughout this journey and today was no different.


Abah came out of surgery well and although it was hard to see him in the ICU I couldn't help but smile when I saw that old man bold head.  He really is such an amazing man and I am so grateful for his courage. We pray that this week is one where we see progress in swallowing (he swallows when he feels fluid collecting at the back of his throat) hear him using his voice more and becoming stronger in his ability to stand and walk.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Teaching Aulia' some kindness

Assalamualaikum wbt..

Just a few months ago, I gave Aulia's 'Babysitter' advance of RM 300.00. She told me that her son is going for school this year and she needs to pay for his advance fees including sport attires, books and also his 1 year exam fees, and she was short of RM 900.00 What she did was, she sought help from all her 'clients' to see whether they could spare her the RM 300.00 (per person) up front, so she can pay for his school fees first. In return, her clients, do not have to pay for the next month babysit services that she provides to our babies.

Since her service is a necessity anyway AND she' has been looking after Aulia' for many months (I think it's almost a year now), I naturally agreed to help. I do not have plenty of money to part with, but for education sake, I was willing to give her the RM 300.00 in advance.

What a world do we live in when there are still some cynic out there who said I shouldn't have done that?

Don't get me wrong. I know they mean well. I have, afterall, lend quite an amount of money to friends, family, colleagues and even strangers- and sadly I never see them repaying me. Not even acknowledging the fact that they owe me. Or paying me back bit by bit.

What hurts most is when I see them at events or they tweet about their shopping sprees. It's not about the amount lend, it's about the gesture of not repaying back...or being absolutely oblivious to it all that pains or triggers my annoyance.

Ouch!

Worst still is how my Uni's senior who continues to ask for money when she has not even paid for the first money she borrowed 5 years ago!

How lah like that friend??


But despite not getting the money back, I will not lose hope on helping others when they need help. I am just a little bit smarter now- some says "you have to be cruel to be kind"- so by this mantra will I let them learn to manage their finance better. I hope. So no more lending money because I am in my own financial pickle. I mean, who isn't right?

So for babysitter and her son-I shall pray that you will be able to collect that money in time for his fees. Who knows? If one day I can't pay for my legal/ insurance premium maybe Mr. anak babysitter can help me, hoh?

The act of kindness is something I want Aulia' to have. To not grow cynical and to love unconditionally.

#Peace!

Friday, March 1, 2013

Funny Talk

Assalamualaikum wbt..

Aulia' will be 19 m/o next month and she's very chatty! Its been so entertaining to watch her learn languages and the funny talks she's made along the way.

Last night we were playing with her Babydoll and she was saying "Bebe, dodo! dodo! dodo! mamam.??emmm daaaaap!" and it continues with another babbling which I don't really understand.

I was puzzled for a moment before I realized she was telling me her "baby' wants milk and the cookies she was eating earlier.  I gave her the right words and we continued on. Then Hubby join in and this time she told my husband that she was "getting a little busy with her baby", once I explained what she meant, he told her that she was actually want to get the milk fed to her babydoll.





Aulia' ran and get her milk bottle and fed to her Babydoll..  and she starts humming and singing her own songs. omg! She learn the languages so effortlessly that the mistakes are here today and gone tomorrow, it really amazing to watch as her little brains learn. I'm sure all babies develop at their own rate, but we still expect her to achieve milestones at a certain time. So when Aulia' starts to babble, we slowly teach her how to pronounce each words correctly. She'll probably not understand them all and she's likely to mispronounce and mix up what she says (often adorably so). We skipped the baby talk and instead, expand on what she says to help her build the words.

To support her language learning, we just  talk, talk and talk some more! We describe what we're seeing and doing. We took her to places (the stores, parks, library etc) where she can see new things- and hear new words. We singing songs and read books.. My mom said that we have to respond warmly ad enthusiastically to Aulia's attempst to communicate- she'll be thrilled when she gets her point across!
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